Google's guide to the galaxy

Don't bother to learn foreign languages, advises the Daily Mail. Google says it plans to launch smartphones that will translate for you in real time. Franz Och, Google's head of translation services, admits that speech will be an even tougher challenge than text, and linguistics guru David Crystal agrees the problems of dealing with speed of speech and range of accents could prove insurmountable. So don't hold your breath. It's just a case of iPad envy.

Unfortunately for professional translators (or in this case interpreters), Google's latest gambit adds to the popular perception that effective communication is a question of terabytes and algorithms.

Don't forget the Babel Fish in Douglas Adams's Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - a small yellow creature capable of translating any language when placed in a person's ear - sparked a bloody war because everyone became able to understand what other people were saying.

Buzz off Google. Get over yourselves.